I understand why editors cringe at some of the analogies writers use to describe intimate male body parts. The poor old penis finds itself being called a rod, a member, a dick, shaft, schlong, old fella, wedding tackle – all in the pursuit of making it sound sexy and masterful and alluring or, at the very least, not offensive. Pubic hair is just as difficult to deal with. For our heroines we have an infinite variety of choices, but it’s a little more tricky to make it sound manly enough for our heroes.
Yesterday’s junk mail delivery (and junk mail is religiously studied in our house…) brought a couple of new metaphors. Apparently men have a bonsai! Who knew their ‘little fella’ was keeping company with a deliberately stunted bush! But help is at hand, so to speak, and you too can achieve an ‘optical inch’ with the aid of an electric trimmer (that’s if you’re in need of an optical illusion of course) which will craft a perfect bonsai for you.
And if being likened to a deliberately pruned plant fails to put a little passion in your life then maybe you should be looking for the ‘tiger lost in the jungle!’ (That sounds a little more active to me!) If you wield the trimmer just right apparently your tiger will be standing proud on the open plain – let’s hope there’s no great hunter poised with sharpened spear looking for an easy prey 🙂
Breasts are so much easier to deal with…